8.1.13

Learning to love my pregnant self

It's week 10. It's a week of fresh starts including a new yoga class last night.

Yoga has a way of making me feel strong, limber, all while pointing out my tight runner hips. Ah, running. It's all over my twitter feed, it's work, it's what I can't do with this pregnant body. I haven't entirely given up - I'm going to try yet again, but between a low lying belly and leaky bladder (only while running), I might finally have to put my shoes away for a few months.

So I'm learning to love a new pregnant body. While pregnant with Coach M it was new and exciting the first time round. I forgave the weight gain as it came (nearly 50 lbs - yes my dr's eyes practically jumped out of his head when I told him this) and was gracious giving myself time to get back to a 'normal' self (almoat a whole year). Well, gracious on the outside. It was a battle to put on a brave face for others. Finding balance between breast feeding (with large large boobs) and being comfortable enough to run meant I struggled to find something to wear, and had to time workouts expertly in the first bit. Not to mention running with extra weight on your joints and flabby abs. I will never forget how defeated I felt my first run back.

All baby 18 days before Coach M arrived.
So this me, round 2, knows more what to expect thus also what to dread. I dead the weight gain. But I can only control so much. I don't excessively eat. I exercise when I can. Genetics be dammed! I intend to try to be gracious with my body, affording it the liberties of pregnancy including weight gain, high fat deposits, and sometimes being too tired to do anything other than sleep.

I am going to practice yoga often, swim often, ride the bike when I can, lift some weights when I can. But still afford my body a period of rest where it can focus on growing a healthy baby. I am envious of those who are running right now - especially in our mild winter these days - but know I will be able to come back it - and not so ambitiously as I did the first time so as to avoid feelings of defeat.

I am going to try to embrace the changes in my body with humor and humility. I am going to at least like my pregnant body for all that it is and will be, even if I can't love it.